We’ve seen it all
They stroll in and sit alone every week, yet they’re totally cool with that. They almost own it. Probably sporting a scruffy mop, an oversized sweater and a septum piercing, you don’t even know their name, but you always notice when they’re not there. Mostly because they suddenly pipe up with some sort of philosophical response to a seemingly simple question most weeks. They are low key cool, and everyone secretly thinks it.
The Netflix Fan
What’s the point in you turning up to the lecture every week if you always just end up watching re-runs of Breaking Bad? It’s even funnier that they think no one notices, when really they’re on half the rooms snapchat story. Just go back to bed.
The Glamour Girl
They’ve obviously watched Legally Blonde and have got some superficial vision of what it’s like to do a degree. They come trotting in every week in a pencil skirt, high heels and a full face of make up. Whilst everyone else stares at them whilst kicking back in their trackies. They look like they have their lives together, but realistically spend half of the lecture texting their girlfriends instead of actually partaking. Style over substance.
The One Who Walks In Late
There’s always one, and even though they haven’t done much wrong, they wind everyone up endlessly, because they are just never on time. To make things worse, they always get their friend at the back of the lecture to save them a seat, oblivious to the walk of shame we all judge them for as they walk up the stairs and interrupt us all. Its a staple for the latecomer to be seen with a Costa Coffee, just to rub in the fact that they were literally late for.no.reason…again.
The Constantly Hungover One
Week in, week out, they actually manage to turn up to your 9am lecture. Yet their presence is somewhat pointless as they spend most of it in and out of sleep due to their obviously hungover state. Sometimes they even turn up with their jumper on inside out, but no one has the heart to tell them, because at the end of the day they tried. They just can’t resist a few VK’s and a night out in town no matter what day of the week it is, but at least they have good intentions.
We understand you, we all love food, but really, do you have to consume a family bag of Dorito’s every week because I can’t actually hear a word of this lecture. They don’t stop there, they have no filter, any snack goes. From Crab Sticks to Stuffed Vine Leaves, no snack is out of bounds to this fearless specimen, much to the dismay of their surrounding peers who have to cope with the stench. Cheers pal.
The Know It All
Yeah ok, they probably got 3 A*’s at A Levels, but when you ask this many questions, it would probably be hard not to. Do they realise when the lecturer asks if anyone wants any more information when it’s 10.59am, you are meant to say no, and not make us all have to stay for another 5 minutes of warbling. They’ll get a first, and they probably deserve it, but you still can’t help but find them slightly irritating.
Do they even count? You’ve seen them twice, once in the first week, and the other time was when you were watching a movie as your lecture. You only said hello to them once, but as they know no one else they’ll wave manically and try and grab a seat next to you. £9000 a year for this. Wow.